I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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