never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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