So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
