Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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