Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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