youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my fart just growled at me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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