I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
