This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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