how can u be prego again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
