genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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