there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
