How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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