Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
