just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
