She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
