i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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