Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I party with great urgency now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
