Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
