You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
