we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
