woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
