I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
