i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
