I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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