she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
