oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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