Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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