Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
