That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
