That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
