Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
