I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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