This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
