I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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