I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
