If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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