yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
