i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She bit a glass in half.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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