you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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