If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
