My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
