is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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