She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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