Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
