i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude. I can hear the air.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
