I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i think my cat just said my name.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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