The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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