just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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