You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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