haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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