There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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