I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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