he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
