I cannot find my penis.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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