Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
