Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
