im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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