here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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