I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
