How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
