Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
