Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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