Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
