So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
