I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
