walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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