I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
