I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its liver damage thursday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
