I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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