So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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