Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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